It is hard to admit depression. It is also hard for me to admit depression. The reality is Multiple Sclerosis is pretty good at causing it. It is very common to be depressed with MS. The reasons are obvious.
I remember a few years back, I was in the doctors office and he was trying to tell me that I needed to be on an anti-depressant. Maybe I did? But at the time I just didn't like the fact that someone was telling me that I was depressed! I always considered myself to be a happy person, maybe emotional, but certainly not depressed. I didn't take the doctors advice and well I think I was fine.
But lately, I'm not so sure that I'm fine. In fact the last three days I have barely opened my eyes. I have been sleeping constantly. I'm just really feeling blah about everything.
We had a meeting at work the other morning, during one of my few awake moments. A man came to talk to us about saving for retirement. He was listing ages of retirement, and I was sitting there thinking that my body is already ready to retire at 25 and 75 is a long ways away. It was so hard for me to be positive, because I've been missing so much work, and work itself has become so much more difficult. I couldn't help but think of the worst. I may not be able to work long enough to "retire"
I feel really defeated. I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month, I think It could be time to ask for that anti-depressant I turned down a few years ago.