Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Trigeminal Neuralgia: Say that 5 times fast

The last three days have been pretty scary. I have a new symptom that I've never experienced before. When I eat the roof of my mouth and back of my throat feels like it is on fire. Because of this, I haven't eaten much the last three days. The pain is so bad that it brings me to tears. I mean it's intense pain! I contemplated going to the ER last night, but with no health insurance at the moment, and going down to part time at work, the idea of a huge emergency bill turned me off.

So instead of going to the doctor I did the next best thing and started searching the internet. It seems to me that I am experiencing what is called Trigeminal Neuralgia. Apparently though only 4% of people with MS experience this symptom. Sucks that it had to happen me. Hopefully it goes away for good, but from other things I have read it usually comes and goes. I'm also not a doctor, so maybe I'm wrong, but from what people are saying it is the exact pain I am feeling.

That's how I have been feeling physically, emotionally is a whole another story. I've been feeling really depressed lately. I think that things have just gotten harder for me recently and it's taking a toll on my optimism. I've given up on a lot because of this stupid disease and I hate it. I really have things that I need to work on, and hopefully my MS will allow me to do that.

Also, I just wanted to share that while I was messing around, looking at some other blogs and MS articles, I came across this thing called the Spoon theory. It's basically a story explaining what it feels like to have an "invisible disease". I think that it is helpful in understanding diseases that are not always easy to understand and it is worth reading.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


Well, I've been sick for about a week now. I caught a cold.

Here's the deal, for all you who just don't get it. When someone who has MS gets sick, even if it is just a regular everyday cold, it is different from when a healthy person gets sick. MS is an autoimmune disease. The best way I can easily describe that is by saying that my immune system, when kicked into gear, attacks the myelin that covers my brain and spinal cord. In turn this causes me to feel all sorts of different things, but currently dizziness and weakness in my lower legs. So basically instead of my immune system fighting the cold it's fighting my own body.

I guess I understand why it's hard for others to get it. To them I have a cold. No big deal.

I just really wish that there were more people in this world that understood, people outside of the MS community. Life would be a lot easier for me and my fellow MSers.

Friday, February 3, 2012

WARNING: mushy gushy-ness

Today is my boyfriend, Vince, and I's four year anniversary. So I think it is only fitting that I tell you a little bit about us and the way that we handle my disease.

Vince and I met through a college roommate. I can't really say that it was love at first sight. We talked online from time to time, but living an hour away, we never really hung out. Eventually, a year or so after meeting, we made plans. Vince was coming down for the weekend to attend a party his friend was having. He asked me if I would join him. Since I had no previous plans I decided to go.

After that night he never left my side.

I told Vince that I had MS shortly after meeting him, so when we started dated he already knew. He asked a lot of questions and I have always been an open book when It comes to MS, so we talked about it a lot. He wanted to know what was going to happen to me, if I was going to be able to have children, and basically just what to expect.

I loved that he was so interested in it. It meant a lot to me.

It didn't take long after we were dating before I ended up in the hospital. We had only been together a few months. He was on his way home from visiting me when I called to tell him I needed to go into the ER. He turned his car around and ended up staying with me at the hospital. I wasn't really expecting him to, because we hadn't been together that long. I think that is when I realized that he was in it for the long run. He may have been scared of my MS but he held my hand and faced it with me.

Ever since then he has continued to be there for me through it all. He has helped make my life easier in so many ways. If I'm not feeling well he will do the cleaning around the house, wait on me, and give me a shoulder to cry on.

It was difficult to find someone who would be understanding of me and my disease. I dated a lot my first few years of college. I never had anyone run when I told them about my disease, but I did encounter a lot of guys who just really didn't care about it. It was tough. I thought that I would never find someone that would be accepting of me.

It took a little time and patients, but I've found the diamond in the rough.

I love you so much Vince. <3