Thursday, March 22, 2012

It's been a bumpy road.

Well I'm a little over due for an update. It has been a difficult couple of weeks to say the least. I have been to a bunch of appointments and I have two more next week.

I haven't really been doing any better physically. I'm still having weakness, mostly on my left side. I am also having a hard time with my throat and neck. My chin has been numb for the last week as well. I guess I am doing worse really. Luckily I have my long awaited appointment with the new neurologist on Tuesday. It can't come soon enough, I really hope that he can help me control these symptoms.

The other neurologist I saw didn't really want to do much for me. However he did order an MRI, which I had last week, and has helped me through the process of getting on a new medication. I'm going to be trying the only oral medication for MS on the market. I'm excited about that for sure. That means no more needles!! There are a lot of precautions to take with this medication though. I had to see a dermatologist and ophthalmologist. Hopefully everything works out and I can start on it soon.

Besides that I have been doing a little better emotionally. I'm not sure that the anti-depressants have really started working yet, but I think that my attitude has been a lot better. Maybe the nice weather we are having has something to do with it.

I've been trying to get out a little bit here and there. My gait is off and it takes a lot of energy for me to walk through a store. The dizziness doesn't help either. So because of this I have been thinking about using a cane here and there, when I go places I know I will be walking a lot.

I'm really torn about it though. I don't want people to look at me differently. I'm young and I don't look like someone who should need a cane. It's a really hard decision. I think that It would help with the fatigue I feel when I'm walking, I'm just not really sure that I'm ready to give into it. I mean how do you know when you are ready to use a cane? Beats me.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Busy as a bee (today)

So I'm not doing so well these days. Besides, the depression, I'm pretty sure I'm having a legitimate flare up. By flare up, I mean that MS is in full force and has been kicking my butt these last few weeks.

I'll start with my legs. My legs feel like they weigh as much as a ton of bricks. They throb with pain and keep me up at night. My balance and gait is a little funny and I'm moving a little slower. That could also be due to the vertigo I've been feeling. It is most likely a combination of the two symptoms.

My hands are both weak. The left, a little more than the right. I'm having trouble opening things and writing. Typing isn't very enjoyable either. It's taking me awhile and I keep making mistakes.

Lastly, my entire body has this strange uncomfortable feeling when touched. It's so uncomfortable it makes me squirm. It's a really horrible feeling that I haven't really experienced until now. It very bothersome. I had to tell Vince not to touch me these last two days. Which has been hard. Even a touch on the arm causes me discomfort.

So all these horrible things are going on, but the good news is that I saw a doctor today and he did give me a few prescriptions. One for the depression, and another for the nerve pain that I have been having. These drugs are going to help with the symptoms that I am having, but not the weakness in my hands. I have a neurologist appointment for that at the end of the month, which is the soonest they could get me in. I hope that they don't get any worse while I'm waiting.

Also today, I applied for disability. Which, fingers crossed, I will be able to get. I obviously haven't been working, so I really need the money. It's going to take a few months before I get a decision. So yet another waiting game.

Between the doctor appointment and the social security office, It was a long day for me. I'm really glad though that my mom was with me through it all. A BIG thanks goes out to my mom for going with me and helping me with everything. I love that lady very much.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Dark Cloud

 It is hard to admit depression. It is also hard for me to admit depression. The reality is Multiple Sclerosis is pretty good at causing it. It is very common to be depressed with MS. The reasons are obvious.

I remember a few years back, I was in the doctors office and he was trying to tell me that I needed to be on an anti-depressant. Maybe I did? But at the time I just didn't like the fact that someone was telling me that I was depressed! I always considered myself to be a happy person, maybe emotional, but certainly not depressed. I didn't take the doctors advice and well I think I was fine.

But lately, I'm not so sure that I'm fine. In fact the last three days I have barely opened my eyes. I have been sleeping constantly. I'm just really feeling blah about everything.

 We had a meeting at work the other morning, during one of my few awake moments. A man came to talk to us about saving for retirement. He was listing ages of retirement, and I was sitting there thinking that my body is already ready to retire at 25 and 75 is a long ways away. It was so hard for me to be positive, because I've been missing so much work, and work itself has become so much more difficult. I couldn't help but think of the worst. I may not be able to work long enough to "retire"

I feel really defeated. I have a doctors appointment at the end of the month, I think It could be time to ask for that anti-depressant I turned down a few years ago.